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| Mom and me circa 1980 |
I was challenged by a friend on Facebook to post 10 photos of what it means to be a mom, and it got me thinking about how, especially during this time, there is no job or title more important to me in the world than "Mom."
There are few things I've known in life with as much certainty as this fact: I always wanted to be a mother.I was one of those lucky kids with a mom who was a stay-at-home mommy. She had worked up until getting pregnant, in jobs that ranged from a secretary to a pre-school teacher. She traveled the world, following my dad to Tel Aviv for a year while he played professional basketball, embarked on cross country trips in beat up old cars with two dogs, and watched sunrises over the Grand Canyon. But once she had me, she was a homemaker, and her children became her profession.
My mom spent many of my formative years reading with me, from The Snowy Day, The Poky Little Puppy, and countless other books that decorated my shelves (which also were frequented by dolls and stuffed animals). She chose a pre-school literally a block from my house, so that she could walk my sister and my there every day (side note- my kids attended the same school). There was always a homemade lunch for school, always a snack waiting when I got home. She made dinner every night, and no matter how insane life was (or how late dad was working), she got us to sit down around the table together.
As I grew, she shuttled me from soccer games to basketball games, and even cheerleader tryouts (a low point in life, she consoled me when I didn't make the squad). She helped me learn to apply makeup for sweet sixteens, and did my hair. As I grew, I literally turned into her doppelganger (pictures of her in her late teens through early twenties could easily be me). She held my hand through break ups, and was the first person I called when I got engaged. When my dad died, she said it was my sister and me who gave her the will to keep going. For us, it was her immeasurable strength in the face of the impossible that gave us the courage to continue.
Moving to California, I was sure to call her almost daily (a habit I continue to this day). I flew back and surprised her for her 55th birthday, plotting with my sister and working on a scrapbook of her life to that point that contains more memories, laughs, and tears, than anything I have created before or since.
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| E. on her first Halloween |
Mom and I have always been close. I wanted to emulate her in so many ways- marry my high school sweetheart, live abroad, travel across the country, learn a second language. But most of all, I knew I wanted my own children.
I toted around baby dolls as a child (my Cabbage Patch doll Karen was my favorite, and mom made me a Halloween costume to look like her, complete with homemade blond yarn wig and stockings stuffed with white pillow fluff). In high school, when we received the "flour baby" assignment in health class, I couldn't wait to get my hands on the doll, and rock it to sleep.
I read an outstanding book called "Wonder Women: Sex, Power, and the Quest for Perfection". It made me think a lot about motherhood, especially through the lens of a working woman, as it contained the line (and I'm paraphrasing) "women were told 'you can be anything', and what they heard was 'you HAVE to be EVERYTHING.'" Being a mom is tough business.
For a long time, I was an anomaly, in that I got to go out to work (as a teacher from 7:30 AM to noon), and then come home and be a stay-at-home mom, and work-from-home mom for the rest of the day. This was unbelievably lucky, and lasted until my younger daughter was four and my older one was finishing kindergarten. I had the freedom to stay with my children, taking them on grand adventures to zoos, parks, and through the yard and house with our imaginations dictating what crazy adventure we are having. I also got to be away from them just enough to miss them- and that they missed me.
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| R. when she loved wearing tutus |
Then, for about two years, I worked two jobs, going from 7AM to 6 PM most days, struggling to make ends meet, and living back at my mom's house, where she took on so many of the roles she did when I was a kid, cooking snacks and greeting the girls after school. Missing out on so much time with my daughters was one of the most difficult parts about that time. Eventually, though, we got back on our feet, and I've spent the last year working at a job I love, where one of the biggest perks is I get out in time to pick up my daughters every single day. I get to see their faces brighten with recognition when they point me out to their teacher, and sprint over, their backpacks bouncing behind them. They give me giant hugs, and then hold my hand, gleefully telling me about their days.
Now, with all of us in quarantine, the worst part is not seeing my mom and my mother-in-law in person, giving them hugs (and letting the girls hug them). Fortunately, we talk daily, and video chat pretty much once a day. The best part is that while my little ones are growing so fast, I get to spend these precious days and hours with them, working in the garden with them while they dig up worms, playing soccer in yard, and taking videos of their obstacle courses. When they get frustrated or upset about the situation we're in, I can comfort them with hugs, and say exactly what I know will brighten their moods. I specifically made a dinner tonight with two of their favorite things (corn on the cob and stuffed mushrooms) because I knew it would get smiles.
And seeing them smile gets me through even the hardest of days. As long as my girls are here with me, and my husband is making all of us laugh, we'll be okay.
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