Day 74- May 25, 2020

Day 74- May 25, 2020

It's Memorial Day. We had two drive by birthday parades, one for one of E's soccer teammates, and the other for R's friend.  I love the drive bys because they mean (appropriately socially distanced) interaction with friends.  Granted, these are short bursts, but seeing other people in person is kind of a big deal right now.

On the way home from one of them, we drove past the girls' friend L.'s house, and decided to stop because she and her dad were just arriving home from the same drive by birthday parade.  These are our best friends, and they live around the corner- but we haven't been able to hang out, or even really see them, in the last 74 days or so.  Thought there was one day (day 37 if you're keeping track)where, despite a steady drizzle, L's mom Heather and I stood in my driveway talking for so long, her husband texted me to make sure she was alright.  We had apparently been chatting for an hour when all she was supposed to be doing was picking up a helium balloon tank and balloons for her oldest son's birthday.  Instead, we were discussing her blog, https://pineappleandloaves.com, me writing this blog, and of course, all things about our kids, who are our world.

Normally at this time of year, Heather, and I would be walking to and from each other's houses with our broods of children, hanging out on her front porch stoop (or our friend Jamie's, who lives a couple of doors down from her), while our kids run about like little feral creatures, spraying each other with hoses, chasing each other with foam light sabers, and generally becoming the dirty, sweaty children they are supposed to be on the cusp of summer.

My Timehop app on Facebook keeps showing me photos of our children, a nostalgic (but mildly cruel) reminder of what this time of year is supposed to be.  The pictures start about five years ago, and all of our children still had their baby fat, roly-poly arms, and chubby little legs that tottered sometimes as they learned how to properly run.  I met both Jamie and Heather when we were in the process of purchasing our house.  Jeff and I had both worked for years for a caterer named Dawn that lived on their street, and on one of our walks to get to know the neighborhood, we happened upon Dawn, and Jamie and Heather's families.  Dawn has known me since I was a child (her in-laws were best friends with my Granny), and Jeff and I spent much of our early 20's waitressing and bartending for her company.  She immediately came over and gave us big hugs, while small children ran around with ours, their mops of unruly hair flopping in the late spring breeze.  She then introduced us around, and we realized that my daughters are the same ages as Jamie's sons M. and R., and Heather's son A. was a couple of months older than R. and her daughter L, was a few months older than E.  Heather also had an older son who was a year older than R.

They were all instantly kind and welcoming, and I remember thinking "I hope they like us" (making friends as a grown up is hard!).  Jeff and I spent the better part of the walk back to our car reviewing names (and failing a decent amount).  The girls weren't much help, because at four and two, they just cared that there were other small beings with grins that took up half their faces, and their names didn't even register.

Over the last half decade, we've all developed a tight bond, working on block parties together, covering for each other (we watched Heather's kids when she went into false labor a few times with her fourth child a couple of years ago and Jamie has saved me a couple of times, letting me drop off the girls while I ran an errand or two), and sharing supervision duties at the Country Club.

I should mention the Country Club is actually Jamie's front yard.  Her oldest son is nonverbal autistic, something she told us the first day we met.  He's loving and kind, always ready with a big hug and bigger smile- and he's a flight risk.  A lot of her time that first day was spent making sure M. didn't run into the street (we all became pretty good at corralling him, as did the other kids, who also include him in everything they do).

A few months after we met, Jamie had a white picket fence installed in one of the kindest gestures I've ever been privy to.  One of M's specialists had heard Jamie mention, in passing, that M. sometimes took off towards the street, and how she hoped one day she and her husband (a firefighter) would be able to afford to put a fence in to keep him and his younger brother safe.  That woman then went to her church, and through collections from her parish, was able to fully fund a fence surrounding Jamie and Rich's front AND back yards.  There are even magnetic locks (which we also have on our fence) to make sure M. doesn't try to get out.

We all still keep an eye on M, but with the visible border, he doesn't even try to get to the street

County Club circa 2016

anymore. Because the kids always wanted to include M. and Jamie was the only one with a fence, her yard became our default hang out spot, with the parents on the front steps or in lawn chairs, and a communal toy pile that grows and switches up periodically as neighborhood kids (there are 13 in a span of five houses) leave their action figures or Nerf toys and pick up something new.  A few years back, we dubbed it our "Country Club" as we were joking and beer and wine coolers were being passed around.  The name stuck.  It's a perfect spot for relaxing, and has the old-school feel of kids coming and going across the lawns that was common when I was growing up.  This is my tribe and my village, and more often than not, it was the waning sun that made us realize we should head home to make dinner, because we were all simply having so much fun.

I miss our Country Club more than I miss almost anything else since the pandemic started.  Jamie and Rich have to be careful, because he's a firefighter and exposed to other people (in the firehouse and on calls) more than most.  He was actually self-quarantined in their bedroom for several days after one of the units he was working with at the fire house went on a call to a Covid-19 patient's home.  Luckily, he tested negative, but between getting the call that he may have been exposed to when the test results came back, Jamie was in full-on beast parent mode, handling both boys expertly while still ensuring that she left food for Rich at their bedroom door. 

Heather's husband just started going into work one day a week after about two months of working from home.  They caved when all their kids' activities for summer got canceled and purchased a backyard pool that is rather impressive.  Today, when we stopped to see L., the girls went into the yard with me and gaped, so excited that when this is over, we will all be able to head there to swim.  It was a harsh reminder of how much our kids are missing out on simply being in each other's presence.  The laughter, the feeling of belonging, the sheer joy- that's what is lacking right now.

Things are starting to open back up though- people can gather in groups of 25 outside, and I'm thinking playdates (socially distanced outdoor ones) may just be the next step for us.  I can't wait for the Country Club to reopen...